German Lunch
My Name is Fritz
"German Lunch" on Stage #5 has also been issued in an unedited version on a bootleg single, titled "My Name is Fritz". Zis is a transcription of (I believe) ze full uncut version. Ze parts zat have been edited out from ze official release are indented, and if you wish to save zis as plain text, zey are also surrounded by curly brackets {like zis}.
MOTHER: "Thank you."
FRITZ: "Ah, may I see your papers pleeze?"
MOTHER #1: "Er, lemme see ..."
FRITZ: "Hand me your suitcase; let, er, me ... open it. Open it, sir."
MOTHER #1: "I'm just a bit nervous, you understand."
FRITZ: "Open ze suitcase."
MOTHER #1: "This hasn't happened ... too often."
FRITZ: "Aah, I see ..."
MOTHER #1: "See, I, I don't think this ..."
FRITZ: "How many ... 62 packages of cigarettes. [giggles] Why are you carrying all zese into Germany for? What are you doing this for?"
MOTHER #1: "I ... I ..."
FRITZ: "How long have you been living in Berlin?"
MOTHER #1: "Er ... I don't live in Berlin."
FRITZ: "Where do you live?"
MOTHER #1: "I live in Texas!"
FRITZ: "Texas?"
MOTHER #1: "Texas."
MOTHER: "Texas! [giggles]"
FRITZ: "Oh, I see. Lyndon Johnson lives in Texas too, does he not?"
MOTHER #1: "I know - sure does."
FRITZ: "Oh, this is all right."
MOTHER #1: "D'you mind ... Is it alright if I shut my suitcase off?"
MOTHER: "Shut it off?"
MOTHERS: [laughter]
MOTHER: "Would you care for one of these cigarettes?"{FRITZ: "Is the light on? Is the light still on? Oh, good! It's off ... good ... well ..."}
FRITZ: "Now; who's this lady you are wis?"
MOTHER #1: "Er, what lady?"
FRITZ: "This lady here, standing next to you."
MOTHER #1: "Oh, this is, this is, er ... Mrs [inaudible]!"
FRITZ: "Has she has papers too? Papers!"
"LADY": "Hello."
FRITZ: "Let me see your papers!"
"LADY": "Hi."
MOTHER #1: "How come you have to yell so much? What did we do?"
"LADY": "Savage!"
FRITZ: "I don't yell!"
MOTHER #1: "We're just trying to get into the country."
FRITZ: "Zis is my country; it's not your country! I'm goi-I'm here, I've been standing here for years and years doing zis every time. You k... you're making me very angry."
MOTHER: [inaudible]
MOTHER #1: "Is this th... is zis ze Fazerland?"
FRITZ: "This is ze Fazerland, yes."{"LADY": "Can I show you a sample of my country?"
FRITZ: "Are you Jewish?"
ZAPPA: "No, you ask him ..."
FRITZ: "What? Am I Jewish?! No! I'm not Jewish! Why do you ask me?"
MOTHER #1: "Well, I thought that ..."
SOMEONE: "Are you Jewish?"
FRITZ: "Show me a sample of your country."
"LADY": [laughter]
FRITZ: "O-ho! Oh my god! Oh! Is that your country? Oh my god! Oh!"
SOMEONE: "Look ..."
MOTHER #1: "Keep your eyes off of her ..."
FRITZ: "Who are you? Oh, you're from Texas."
MOTHER #1: "She's my girlfriend."}MOTHER: [inaudible]
ZAPPA: "Listen, you ought to check all the Mothers through customs. Hey! Line, line up as soon as you finished and go through customs."
MOTHER #1: "Are you, er, through with me, sir?"
FRITZ: "You may step over here to the right."
MOTHER #1: "Thank you."{FRITZ: "THE RIGHT!" [or possibly "THE REICH!"]
"LADY": "How about me, porky?"
MOTHERS: [laughter]}FRITZ: "My name is Fritz; open ze suitcase please?"
MOTHER #2: "Just a moment here, just a moment."
MOTHER: [inaudible]
FRITZ: "[inaudible] open ... what is this, there's 62 copies of Horseshit Magazine? What are you carrying Horseshit Magazine around for ..."
MOTHER #2: "It's a hoax. Hold it, hold it, here."
MOTHER: "Right there, please!"
FRITZ: "Where is it. What is this!"
MOTHER #2: "Hold it, hold it! [laughs] Hold it ... I'll never forget ya, Fritz."
FRITZ: "Hmm ... all right, next (you may close zis now) ..."
MOTHER #2: "All right."
FRITZ: "Next. Who's up? Oh, here he comes ... who are you? Meh... hand me your paper."
FALSETTO VOICE: [inaudible]
DON PRESTON: "Here is my papers."
FRITZ: "Oh ..."
MOTHER: "[inaudible] papers."
FRITZ: "Your name is Duke? What's zis tool here ..."
MOTHER: "Duke deWilde. [laughter]"
FRITZ: "Duke, Duke deWilde. Have you seen many German movies, d'you ever go to ze movies? Have you been ..."
DON PRESTON: "I never go to the movies."
FRITZ: "What is zis! you bring zese into Germany?"
MOTHER: "Don't wreck that [inaudible] ..."
FRITZ: "Zese are Japanese tools. Why do you brink Japanese tools to Germany where we make the finest tools ever, you - what are you doing? That's ..."
FALSETTO VOICE: "32 [inaudible] ..."
FRITZ: "... 60 marks, for you, oh my God, what's the matter with you?"
LARRY FRNOGA: [coughs]
FRITZ: "Oh my God, please, please, not here. Step - oh my God, what is zis! Oh, my god! Ääh! Ääh! Ääh! Ääh-ääh-ääh! Oh, my God! What are you doing! Oh ... who are you; what is your name; hand me your paper. Is your name Larry? Larry Frnoga?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "Yes."
FRITZ: "Larry Frnoga?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "Larry Frnoga. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "Oh my God, what are you doing ... what are you doing zat for?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "I'm beatin' the horse to make it go faster!"
FRITZ: "That's not a horse, that's a table!"
LARRY FRNOGA: "What's the difference? [laughter] Don't go too fast, does it, for a table?"
FRITZ: "What is this? Aah, zefrin! CL brand of [incomprehensible "German"] ... ah right, nasal spray ..."
LARRY FRNOGA: "[sniff] That's right. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "You have a cold?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "[sniff] That's right. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "How long have you had a cold?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "About a year. [sniff]"
MOTHER: [burp]
LARRY FRNOGA: [clears throat]
FRITZ: "You had a cold for a year?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "About. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "Are you trying to bring a cold in... [coughs] ... into zis country? [coughs] Oh my God, don't cough on me, man. [coughs]"
MOTHER: "A cold?"
MOTHER: [inaudible]
FRITZ: "What does zis medal say. Says Berlin, Survival? Award? 1968."
LARRY FRNOGA: "[clears throat] That's where I got my cold. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "You were here before, in Berlin?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "That's right."
FRITZ: "What, what were you doing in Berlin?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "We gave a concert. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "Wh... You? Gave a concert in Berlin?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "That's right. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "To whom?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "The German people. [sniff]"
FRITZ: "The German people?"
LARRY FRNOGA: "Yes!"
FRITZ: "Don't take ze German people lightly ... I say! Who is zis man here - is it Arzur? Arzur Tripp?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Arthur, Arthur."
FRITZ: "Arzur ... Tripp. It's a German name, is it not?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "English"
FRITZ: "Tripp?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Ja."
FRITZ: "Tripp?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Ja."
FRITZ: "Is a - is an - 'ja'?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "[giggling] Ja, ja-ja ..."
MOTHER: "[inaudible] ... before too."
FRITZ: "Stop giggling!
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Sorry. [giggles]"
FRITZ: "You're having too much fun, you know, we arrest people for having to much fun here."
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "I beg your pardon."
FRITZ: "When you come to someone else's country, do you run around on ze grass, and make it dirty everywhere you go?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Nah, I stick pretty close to the bars."
FRITZ: "You know you people all look ... you - bars?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Heh, heh, heh ... you know ..."
FRITZ: "We have a lot of bars here ..."
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Y'sure do. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh - 'scuse me for laughin'."
FRITZ: "Don't laugh!"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Alright. I will ... I'll do that."
FRITZ: "Who is zis man here? Ze other man?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Eh ... he's our leader."
FRITZ: "He is your leader?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Yah.".
FRITZ: "Wh-what is his function? And how does he lead you?"{ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Oh, it's kind of hazy."
FRITZ: "Hazy?"}ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "He directs us by s... with signals"
FRITZ: "What does he signals? What does it look ...? Why, what?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Well, they're for various vocal noises that we use."
FRITZ: "Vocal noises?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Uh-huh."
FRITZ: "Vat are some of ze noises?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "Er, 'peep'."
FRITZ: "'Peep'?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "'Poo-aah'."
FRITZ: "'Poo-aah'?"
MOTHERS: "Poo-aah! [clears throat]"{FRITZ: "Oh! You are going to do zis for ze German people?"
ARTHUR DYER TRIPP III: "If you can dig it."}FRITZ: "I see you all are very well organised; we all like order in Germany, you know."
{FRITZ: "Everysing is in its place in Germany."}
MOTHER: "I know."
FRITZ: "You have such a pleasant smile, may I see your papers?"
FALSETTO VOICE: "Well, you see, I, I don't exactly have my papers with me, I ... it seems ..."
FRITZ: "You don't have papers?"
FALSETTO VOICE: "I may have left them in my other bag."
MOTHER: "In your ..."
MOTHER: "He has no papers, huh ..."
FRITZ: "He has no papers."
MOTHER: "Ah."
FALSETTO VOICE: "I mean, if there was ... if there was something I could do for you, th..."
FRITZ: "Do you have any identification?"
FALSETTO VOICE: "Identification ... lemme see ..."
FRITZ: "It's a nice watch you have on."
MOTHER: "Was ist los?"
FALSETTO VOICE: "Well, It used to have a Mickey Mouse there, I don't ..."
FRITZ: "Mmm - I tell you what I'll do: If, if, if you give me zat watch ..."
MOTHER: "Nein!"
FRITZ: "That's a very strange German accent."
MOTHER: "You got to - ja. [laughter]"
FRITZ: "Are you sure ..."
ZAPPA: "Arrest him!"
MOTHER: "He was transport etwas ... [?]"
FRITZ: "Are you sure you're not a Russian?"
ZAPPA: "He's a spy!"
FRITZ: "He's a Russian, I zink."
MOTHER: "I think so. Get him!"
MOTHER: "Hanz up!"
FRITZ: "Oh, God."
FALSETTO VOICE: "What's ... what's goin on?"{FRITZ: "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
HANS: "HANS!"
FRITZ: "STOP! WE CAN SHOOT YOU!"
SOMEONE: "We can shoot you?"
FRITZ: "NO!"
SEVERAL: [some chatter which has defied all transcription]
SOMEONE: "He said 'no'."
FRITZ: "Do you have any gold in your teeth?"
SOMEONE: "No, silver ..."
FRITZ: "Silver? Open your mouth."
SOMEONE: "Do you have any tattooes?"
SOMEONE: "Aaah ..."
SOMEONE: "Do you see used gum?"
SOMEONE: "No gum."
SOMEONE: "No gum."}ROY ESTRADA (?): "You wanna enema? Hmm?"
MOTHER: "No, I'll take a cheeseburger."{FRITZ: "Cheeseburger? Oh, it's a German dish, you know."}
FRITZ: "Why is the bow-tie growink from your neck?"
MOTHER: "I'm practicing to fly."
MOTHERS: "Ah ..."
LARRY FRNOGA: "[inaudible] pony."
FRITZ: "Why is everyone in this group having bow-ties growink from zeir neck?"
MOTHER: "They're all weird!"{FRITZ: "I know they're crazy, but this is not, er Aryan."
SOMEONE: "Foreign, you know".}FRITZ: "Gimme your watch."
ZAPPA: "I still don't trust this guy's accent."
FRITZ: "Who is this? Come here!"
MOTHER: "Who's ... Jewish? [?] Who?"
FRITZ: "Come over here! Do you have a suitcase?"
MOTHERS: [cough and clear throats]
MOTHER: "We must watch this one."
FRITZ: "We m'watch zis one, ah right. Let's open ze suitcase ... Awright. What is this - oh, you too carrying many cigarettes! Er, what is this lyrics? Ah - these are lyrics: 'My ... my guitar want to kill yo' mama'?
MOTHER: "Ah ..."
FRITZ: "'My guitar wants to burn your dad'? 'I get real mean when he makes me mad.' This is - this is very good, this is very normal. German lyrics! You're all welcome to our country."
MOTHERS: [laughter]
FRITZ: "Don't laugh."
[ 
Made with Dyke Pride ]